Turn | A poem about repentance

I love the Fall.

Not just because that’s when my birthday is,

but because, like many,

I like to watch the leaves change color, 

Colliding with the unseen breeze

as they tumble softly toward the ground.

I love tromping through the gutter

And going out of my way to step 

on exceptionally crunchy looking leaves.

I love it when the earth grows colder,

giving half the world a chip from its shoulder -

just brisk enough to give us a preview,

like a prophecy of future promises

of snowfall, fireplaces, and movie marathons

when it will be too cold to go outside;

it's an appetizer of things to come,

a fiery, biting, refreshing teaser.

The Fall, remember, is the very thing

that carries coziness in its wings.

It reminds us how to stoke the fire,

and appreciate its toasty glow.

For months now we've complained of heat,

But soon we will complain of snow.

So relish this short reprieve, 

and bask in the refreshing air;

for the winter's not quite as forgiving

with its icy, frigid snare.

The Fall is the season of instruction,

to appreciate what was always there. 

It warns us with its morning frost 

that soon the air will be too cold to breathe, 

so we should enjoy what’s left of the sun,

and love what’s left of the leaves. 

But most of all, I love the Fall

because it’s nature’s annual reminding time

that in order to be born again,

first, you have to die.

You see, most people fear change,

but in the same breath,

can’t help but admit

what they really fear is death. 

They fear it so much that they sell their souls away.

Not to the mast of Davy Jones, 

but to their skin,

stretched tight across their bones.

We feel the pull of mortality, 

everyday so urgently

that we fill it up with more distractions 

that numb the guilt. We justify our actions

with nicer phones, nicer cars, 

and all that bull crap in a jar 

that every ad insists we are

or someday have to be.

And then once we have it all, 

we toss a photo on our wall

so that everyone else on our so-called 

“Friend list” are all convinced 

that WE FINALLY MADE IT!

We’re happy.

But at the end of the day, 

we’re only another day older.

And just like the leaves decaying in the gutter,

we change, we fall, and then we flutter

until we can’t do so much as muster

a smile for the selfie or the shutter. 

So what happened to Fall?

What happened to death being beautiful?

It sounds a bit macabre, I know, 

But to fall is progress, it's permission to grow -

The earth has fallen so many times 

that you and I would have to live and die 

63 million more lifetimes 

just to know the age of snow.

Did you know that as many times you fall,

There is some part of you that is put to death?

You see, Nephi taught that every gift

God gave to us in this mortal rift

is a type of the mission of the Son of God. 

And since his very first gift was this earthen shelf,

He carved within it His mirrored self,

which shouldn’t strike us as too very odd.

So do you see it? You don't have to look far

to find that broken things are stronger once they're on the mend.

So in a galaxy made of 100 billion stars 

and 100,000 light-years end to end, 

it’s about time we stopped dressing our scars 

in a made up world of “play pretend”.

This ancient earth beneath our feet 

and the sun out in the ether

have been fastened, joined, remarkably,

invisibly as if with a tether,

for one and a half trillion days,

in a gravitational waltz, together

And all of this as if to say, 

“See? Death doesn’t last forever.”

The Son of God forsook his throne 

for a time to come down to His own, 

to suffer, bleed, and live as man, 

and then to die - that was the Plan. 

But like the Earth when its axis turns, 

and one side freezes while the other burns, 

there is a time between the seasons 

which was given to us for several reasons -

Not the least of which is just to show 

that Fall makes room for Spring to grow.

We live, we die, we live, we die,

But the only true death is to never try.

And like the blossoms in the trees,

which are pollinated by the bees,

New life will come, afresh and new -

that’s what the Savior did for you. 

Because the Savior took our sin, 

and felt our pain - without and within - 

we don’t have to wait till the end of years

before we get to dry our tears.

Again the Lord is a master teacher, 

and, with science, taught the Plan’s best feature:

like the planet earth on which we’re born, 

we all must choose, from sin be torn,

Winning, failing, but turning constantly;

And when we fall, have hope in spring.

The Fall, remember, is the very thing

from which we were meant to be redeemed.

So that’s why I like when the seasons change

and the days become a little shorter.

As the earth keeps turning, so should we,

and try to act a little older.

Let yourself fall, let yourself die,

there's no need to be afraid.

Because every time you're born again

is part of the reason you were made.

Repentance isn’t pain and anguish

(unless you try to fight it)

When written in another language,

T-U-R-N’s how you would write it.

And if you have to turn ten million times

before perfect you can be,

You’re no worse off than the earth,

Turning back to the Sun constantly.

That, I think, is why I love the Fall.

- Taylor Yorgason

The Garden | A poem about my crisis of faith

The Garden

The garden in my yard is dead. 

 Within a stony wall enclosed, 

an iron gateway marks its head, 

 a dusty riverbed through it flows. 

Where once a lush green blanket crept, 

 a prickly carpet lies inert. 

Cadaverous vegetation rots 

 and reveals beneath it barren dirt. 

The orchids, bushes, herbs and pompons 

 reach in cracked and torrid coils - 

like stretched-forth fingers of some person, 

 buried alive beneath the soil. 

The planter boxes turned to caskets, 

 the flower pots to urns and ashes. 

Petrified trees stand in packets 

 with skeletons for their branches.

In my neglect I’ve need repent, 

 alone I lack the knowledge and grace. 

But life, I fear, has far been spent, 

 with sickness thriving in its place. 

Why has the garden seen this fate? 

 The answer crawls beneath my skin. 

The Gardener stands without the gate, 

 if only I would let him in. 

- Taylor Yorgason

Finding the REAL Charlie's Monument

Hey everyone! If you're here, it's probably because you've watched my YouTube video. If not, definitely go check it out here. 

It'll give solid back story and context to this thing that may prove instrumental in your quest. 

Anyway, as promised, here are the instructions on how to get to my great-great grandpa Hyrum Yorgason's monuments, otherwise known as "Charlie's Monument". By request, I've prepared a Google Earth 'Presentation' with the locations on the map. You can access this map here. I'd give you a Google Maps pin-drop link but I have yet to figure out a way to do that that is genuinely helpful. 

WARNING: the roads to get to this location are narrow and difficult to navigate - you will need ATVs of some kind. Your Toyota Camry will never make it and anything bigger than that is too big. 

DIRECTIONS

Phase 1: Driving

START: In Fountain Green, Utah. 

Head North on State Street (HWY 132) for about 2.4 miles until you come to Log Canyon Road, which will be on your Left (headed West). 

There is a turn off here, which is a great place to park your truck and unload the ATVs. In fact, that's exactly what you should do, because there's nowhere else to do this. And you probably won't be able to do it without ATVs. 

Phase 2: ATV

Get on your ATVs and head West on Log Canyon Road. About a mile and a half down this road you'll come to a fork, and you'll want to take the right side. This will take you directly into the canyon. The other one will take you to someone's driveway. Don't do that. 

You will take this road all the way up the canyon for the next 5ish miles. This should take you anywhere from 30-45 minutes. If you find yourself at the top of the mountain, you have gone too far!

At approximately the 5.1 mile mark (since entering the mouth of the canyon) the road will make a hard right turn and switch-back toward the peak. At this point, you will notice an off-shoot trail to your Left (headed East), which dips down a little out of sight. This is your trail. Take it slow, because it is a little bit steep. Nothing you can't handle, but also not one you'd like to take full speed ahead. 

You will proceed along this trail for approximately 3/4 of a mile. It's rocky, but manageable. It's hard to pin-point exactly where you will stop, so please refer to the map-GIF above. Alternatively, here is the GPS coordinate (which might prove useful if you have, like, a globe or something): 

Latitude: 39.6291334    Longitude: -111.7019714

We pulled our ATVs off the trail and, turning right (East), rode them into a small grove of aspen trees to park them. The rest of your journey will be on foot. 

Phase 3: Foot

The Tree Carving 

For those who are interested in searching for the tree carving of the Yorgason brand (the 'quarter-circle Y') we found in the video, I'm sorry to say that I did not record its exact location. However, I can tell you what grove it was in. 

From our ATV parking point, we headed into the aspen grove immediately to the North of where we were. We found the carving in the North-Eastern quadrant of the grove. 

Good luck, keep your eyes peeled, and don't forget to check the trees that have been blown down. Remember whatever trees he carved into are at least 100 years old, and the one we saw was beginning to rot at the bottom! 

The Monument

To find the monument itself, you'll have to do a great deal of bush-whacking. Starting where we parked the ATVs, work your way North-East and over the ridge. From here you should be able to see down the rest of the slope. 

Looking to the North-East, the trees on either side will make a sort of "corridor" down the hill, at the end of which there is a stand-alone aspen grove at the bottom of the slope, which should be directly visible. Make your way there.

The distance is only about half a mile as the bird flies, but it'll feel like 47 miles for all the bushes. 

There are a few game trails in the midst of the thickets, which will actually bring you quite close. So if you find one, take it as far North East as you can, making your way down the slope, being careful not to stray too far North or South into the trees. 

Once you make it to the grove of aspens at the bottom of this slope, turn your attention North - the monument may even be visible to the naked eye at this point. If not, fight your way through those nasty bushes for a bit. It'll reveal itself. 

(As a side note, there are probably even more tree carvings in this grove, but we didn't have time to look. If you've got the time and interest, go ahead and take a gander! If not, proceed to the next paragraph.)

The trees to the East and West of you should make a sort of funnel, and direct your attention right to the monument. 

The monument stands on the edge of the slope, directly East-North-East of the ATV parking. At this point, either heap of rocks will be difficult to miss! 

And there you have it! These original monuments of Hyrum Yorgason, which he used as pyres to warn the locals of on-coming, hostile Natives (kinda like in Lord of the Rings), are also the same monuments that were spoken of/that inspired the one in my grandpa, Blaine Yorgason's book, Charlie's Monument (1976). (For more info, watch the YouTube video in the link provided at the top of this page.)

Thanks for reading, happy trails, and don't forget to wear helmets on your ATVs, bring protection against potential predators (no really, I actually mean carnivorous predators), and PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL TO THE DELICATE STRUCTURES. :) This is a sacred part of our Yorgason family history! 

Peace out! 

What Does It Mean to be "Whole"?

Image Credit: James C. Christensen, Ten Lepers          

What does it mean to be made whole? Christ says it often in the New Testament, under a variety of circumstances, often dealing with miraculous healings - but what does it mean?

I was once told that a healthy marriage is not made between two perfect people, but that it is made between two whole people. Hearing this sent me on a study of Christ's teachings to discover the meaning of what it is to be made whole, and out of all of the stories there were two that stood out to me the most. This is the first of those stories, and this is what I found.

This is, in part, what it means to be "made whole".

Luke 17:11-19 - A Lesson From the One Leper

Ten men afflicted with leprosy come to Jesus and beg for mercy. Leprosy, a life-long disease, was considered to be incurable except by God only. First of all, the fact that they come to Jesus for cleansing shows great faith on their part.

Not one to withhold mercy when asked for it, Jesus responds, "Go shew yourselves to the priest."

As they turned and went their way, each one was "cleansed". At this moment, nine of them run home to celebrate, while one is filled with love and gratitude for the Savior and returns to Him, giving thanks.

"Arise," He says. "Go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole."

Ten lepers were cleansed that day, but only one was made whole. Why?

To Be Made Whole

Often, being made whole is associated with being healed of some infirmity because it's almost always used in a context when miraculous healing had just taken place. But if they meant the same thing, then Christ would not have made the distinction in this case.

The man's faith had made him whole; not merely the faith required to bring him to Christ or else they all would have been made whole. No, it was his deepened faith which made him whole; the faith that turned him around and sent him back to the Savior. 

It was the faith which filled him with a love of Him who had bestowed the blessing, and caused him to overflow with gratitude.

It was a faith which filled him with a desire to know the One who had saved him, and come closer to Him.

As the word "repent" in some derivatives means "to turn," and the one to whom we must turn is the Savior, this story becomes immediately analogous of repentance.

Repentance is not merely to ask forgiveness and be saved, for in the end, all of us will be saved just as all ten lepers were cleansed. But the one leper literally turned around and went back to the Lord.

Repentance is found in our love and gratitude toward the Savior for his matchless gift. It is found when we turn to Him. When we come to Him and fall down at His feet, glorifying Him for all that He's given us.

There are some who may view Christ's atonement on our behalf as an incredible gift, accept Christ as their savior, and then go on about their lives, glorifying God that they had been cleansed of all their sin.

And they would be right, because Christ's atonement does do that for them. It saves them. But that does miss the point a little, doesn't it?

The one leper was the only man who allowed the miracle to change him. He was the only one who wanted to love, know, and worship the Master who had cleansed him.

How often do we forget? Am I like the nine, who receives of Christ's grace but then goes on about my day without sparing a second thought to Him? He healed me of my leprosy, He saved me from suffering, isolation, and misery. I know that, it's a fact.

But do I allow that fact to change me? Do I continue to turn back? Do I fall down at his feet and worship Him? Do I serve Him?

If not, then my faith hath not made me whole.

That is what it means to become whole. A whole soul is a repentant soul. A whole soul remembers, loves, thanks, and serves.

May we all allow our faith to make us whole, for in the end, being cleansed will not be enough. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

God be with you till we meet again!

Sincerely,
       Taylor, a dead missionary

I Am a Good Man, and So Are You (Except For Sisters, Who Are, In Fact, Good Women)

If missionaries were superheroes, return-missionaries would be gods.

I say that only facetiously, because as I've mentioned before, missionaries are certainly not superheroes, and therefore, RMs are certainly not gods.

I guess I'm just ruminating on the backend of a lot of stress, pent up inside for the last three years. I used to think that, as a missionary, I placed the highest of expectations I'd ever place upon myself; but when I got home, I realized I was wrong.

I had served a full time mission, and now it was time to endure to the end with the same power, confidence, and faith that I had as a servant of the Lord. I constantly had Jeffrey R. Holland's words in my head:

"When you return home from your mission, you better look like a missionary, you better act like a missionary, you better think like a missionary!"

And who knows, maybe it's just me? Maybe I'm the one who places these high expectations on myself.

RMs are not perfect. We are human. We are flawed. Some of us fall for the wrong girls or guys. Some of us find addiction before we find a spouse - or even after. Some of us find that alcohol helps us forget our problems. And some of us simply pray less and read little.

To some degree or another, returned missionaries are not the glorified beings people think they are, including some single girls and guys out there, who think that they should be before they marry one.

I was once told by a girl that she wanted her husband to emanate the gospel everywhere he went, which I was failing to do.

I don't blame her after all - I want my wife to be centered in the gospel too. But I wonder if she, or anyone else, thinks their spouse has to be perfect? Because that's how I interpreted it.

But since that time of self-doubt and self-hate, I've realized something. In spite of everything I've done, I am a good man.

I have to be a good man. Why else would I still be here?

Just because I don't radiate anti-frowns and anti-sins everywhere I go, it doesn't mean I'm unworthy of being loved.

I make mistakes. I sin. I fall short everyday, to degrees I'm ashamed to admit. And so does every one else! But I've come to believe that I'm a good guy! Why, because I'm a perfect returned missionary? No. Because I'm trying.

I try every freaking day of my life.

I've come to believe that we are not defined by our mistakes. It's not who we are. The Lord doesn't care what you've done today or how many times you've done it - what He cares about is whether you get back on your knees tonight and talk to Him about it.

It doesn't matter what comprise our long list of sins - what matters is that we sincerely confess and forsake them. Yeah, I'll probably slip again somewhere down the line, but that doesn't mean I can't be sincere today.

"With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed" (Elder Holland, Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You, April 2016 General Conference).

We are not defined by the number of times we choose to sin, but by the number of times we choose to repent!

God wants us to come closer to Him, and if it takes a bad day of one mistake after another to bring you to your knees and talk to Him, then so be it! Sin is never condoned, but if it brings you to your knees, then that's what the Lord meant when He said,

"All things shall work together for the good of them that walk uprightly before God," even, I might add, their sins.

And so be easy on yourself. Be easy on others! We're all fighting the good fight on some level or another. Even the sinners. I know because I am one!

But the Lord himself sat at dinner with publicans and sinners, and so if that label gets me a spot next to the Savior the next time I break bread, then I'm not ashamed to wear the scarlet letter. It's better than thinking I have to be perfect! That's what the Pharisees thought, and they didn't get to dine with Jesus.

This isn't me justifying my sins or anyone else's. This isn't me venting out my bitterness either. This is me, I hope, letting you (and to some extent, myself) know that there's still hope. It isn't possible for us to descend deeper than the light of the Atonement can shine.

There is always hope! No matter who you are or what you've done; no matter who looks down on you or thinks less of you; I don't care if you have addictions or just bad habits, the Atonement has bought you at the highest of prices!

Yes, some of us will fall. But if we land on our knees, then we have no reason to fear. Don't give up. Don't jump ship. Stick to the boat. Things are going to be alright when you put your trust in a God who loves you.

"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul."

Of this I wish to bear my testimony, in the name of that God who loves us, who is Jesus Christ, amen.

God be with you till we meet again!

Sincerely,
Taylor, a dead missionary

Christmas Study, Day 5: Blessed is She That Believed

Luke 1:1-25 

When speaking of the birth of Christ, we often forget to also speak of the birth of John, whose birth was not only miraculous, but also prophesied of many hundred years prior. 

The first of the Christmas visitations happens to Zacharias in the temple; the angel, Gabriel, appears and declares to him the fact of John’s oncoming birth to him and his wife, to which Zacharias responds incredulously because of his and Elisabeth’s advanced age. 

“How shall I know?” he asks. As a result, he is struck dumb by the angel, only to be relieved at the time of John receiving his name (a period of nine months, mind you). 

Six months later, the same angel appears to Mary to tell her that because she had found favor with God, she would conceive a son, who should be the Son of God. She is also incredulous, but with different results. 

“How should this be possible?” she asks, which Gabriel graciously explains. Upon learning all that was needed, Mary humbly accepts her new calling and all pertaining consequences, which she could scarcely comprehend at that time. 

It is worth our consideration that both Zacharias and Mary asked, “How?” But Zacharias was struck dumb, while Mary received angelic instruction. Why?

It is because Zacharias’ question was based in doubt: “How shall I know?” He wanted a sign. Mary, on the other hand, asked in faith: “How shall this be?” She accepts that it will be according to the angel’s words, but seeks further light and knowledge. 

In other words, Zacharias questioned, while Mary asked a question. 

When receiving revelation in our own lives, we must all consider the example of Mary. We must be willing to forsake what we think we already know in favor of learning from God. 

Zacharias had already determined a fact in his mind: my wife is barren. He couldn’t let go of that. He asked for more reassurance and paid for it. 

Sometimes the Lord asks us to do impossible things. The math doesn’t add up. They’ll never listen to me. We can’t make it work. I need this job. I’ll never get into that school. Nine o’clock is too early. I can’t live without this ONE sin. 

We need to let go of all of our pre-determined outcomes! We don’t know the end from the beginning. Our wives are not barren, we are not too old! With God, nothing shall be impossible. 

Mary embraced this in faith and was further enlightened. May we all receive the Lord’s instructions in faith this Christmas season. :) 

Merry Christmas!
Sincerely,
Taylor, a dead missionary

Christmas Study, Day 4: Great Lights in Heaven

Helaman 14-16 

Prophets always testified of the coming of the Savior in the flesh, but as far as any record shows, Samuel the Lamanite is the only one to put a cap on the timeline. In five years time, the Christ would be born in “the land of Jerusalem”. As the Nephites and Lamanites  would be unable to witness His actual birth, signs were to be given. 

To signify of His entry into the world, “great lights” were prophesied so to do; exactly what those “great lights” were is left unexplained, but whatever the case, these lights were to be so great as to light the whole face of the earth all through the night, prior to the morning of His birth. 

A day, a night, and a day without darkness - a period of 36 straight hours full of light. 

But the children of Lehi never spoke of His birth without also speaking of His death. The birth of the Christ is only as bright as the star and “lights in heaven” when set against the dark backdrop of Samuel’s contrasting prophecy of His departure into the realm of spirits. 

When Christ should be crucified, there should be darkness - exactly double, in fact, what light was prophesied to attend His birth. Three full days without light. As the sun withholds its light from the earth, the earth would throw itself into turmoil, causing no small amount of destruction and death.

It is curious to note that the very thing Christ would come to do - the reason that the angel’s tidings were so good - would be cause for such great darkness and destruction. Although His death was the symbol of our deliverance, the sign for it was racked with horror!

It is my personal belief that the reason is because a law was broken, for God Himself had died! As Christ was infinitely loved by all that was His, it was His brutal passing that shook all of creation to awake; that every particle of matter not only has a sense of obedience to its creator, but also a sense of compassion toward Him, which was touched at this moment. 

Nature would suffer for despair at the death of its own creator, and Justice itself would acknowledge that if we really meant that much to Him, it would satisfy the law and give way to Mercy - but not before the universe had finished mourning His passing. 

In contrast, His birth was to be cause for celebration. It’s no secret use of symbolism that, as the Light of the World arrives, the whole world was filled with light. Faith, knowledge, love, spirit - all these are synonymous with light in the scriptures. 

When Christ came to His lowly manger, the heavens made it absolutely clear that He, in whom we must have faith, from whom we must draw our knowledge, from whom we receive the Spirit, and He who is the embodiment of pure love was, at long last, here to deliver His people from death, hell, and sorrow. 

As the mountains shout for joy and the heavens dance the night away, may we all celebrate His birth with as much enthusiasm as the rest of the natural world, for He is our Creator, Savior, and Redeemer. :) 

Merry Christmas!
Sincerely, 
Taylor, a dead missionary

Christmas Study, Day 3: How Beautiful Upon the Mountains

Mosiah 13-15 

It seems as though a great many people in the early days (as well as today) were suddenly enraged at the idea of Christ condescending to our level. The Jews hated it, the Zoramites hated it, and the priests of king Noah hated it. 

The idea that God would be born a baby to a mortal woman, perhaps, brought heaven and eternity a bit too close? It's much more comfortable to deal with an invisible unknowable God who just stays "out there," and meddles not in the affairs of men. 

They want a "smooth" God, who asks nothing of us, and for all his doctrine and prophets to testify of bees and flowers and chirping birds nothing but good tidings, gladness, and peace 

The priests of Noah questioned Abinadi, saying, "Hey! Why don't you declare happy things to us like Isaiah clearly said you should do? How dare you tell us we're wicked!" 

"Look, you jibronies," returns Abinadi. "You're totally wrong. Isaiah didn't mean that!" 

He goes on to explain that God himself would step down and make personal intercession for His children. He will come to be mocked, cast out, spit upon, beaten, scourged, humiliated, tortured, and crucified; by this dying and suffering more than anyone could, Christ would break the bands of death and stand between us and justice. 

Salvation comes not by the law, but through the atonement of Christ who should come in the flesh, for which the law of Moses served only as a type. 

As Noah and his priests became angry, as the wicked often do, they send him back to prison. When they finally sentence him to death, his capital offense, they declare, is to have taught that God should be born in the flesh. 

Curious, isn't it, that these very men who asked for the good tidings of gladness - the publication of peace of which Isaiah spoke - are enraged to murder upon hearing those glad tidings? May we all publish the peace of the Christ child this Christmas, and may we all rejoice for the good tidings of great joy. 

Merry Christmas! 

Sincerely, 

Taylor, a dead missionary

Christmas Study, Day 2: The Condescension of God

1 Nephi 8, 11

Hmm, what to say? The allegory is clear: God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. 

When you think about it, Christ was the first Christmas gift. God’s love is so great that He condescended below all things, to be born of Mary, to go forth only to be cast out and reviled; ultimately, in perhaps the cruelest irony of history, Christ, who is the Judge of the world, was sent to be judged of the world - to be someone of naught, and to be crucified for the very sins of the very people who killed him, while they were in the very act of committing them. 

But Nephi was not yet shown any of this when he identified the meaning of the tree of life. No, it was when he beheld Mary and the Christ child that he declared, “It is the love of God!” 

Perhaps Mary was cradling her Child in her arms. She may have kissed or nuzzled him; maybe she held Him aloft and laughed as the babe screamed with joy at newfound heights; or maybe she sang to Him as he slept soundly. 

As he looked upon the mother, he might’ve sensed the sorrow that would pierce her soul like a sword, as her own Son was called to bear the weight of the world.

Whatever the case, it was the image of the virgin mother bearing the Son of God which caused Nephi’s perceptive pronouncement: “It is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men;…it is the most desirable of all things.” 

The child which she bore, and the Atoning sacrifice which He represented, was the fruit of the love of God. Nephi felt this as it “shed itself” into his own heart, or he would not have made such a declaration. 

Like the shepherds and the wisemen, Nephi knew that it was no ordinary child she bore, but the very God of heaven and earth, condescending unto the children of men, a lesson and image that would follow Nephi for the rest of his life. 

As Christ is the first and “most desirable” of all Christmas gifts, may we all turn to Him and receive the gift He gave to us all those years ago, that the love of God may shed itself abroad into our own hearts this Christmas season. :) 

Merry Christmas! 

Sincerely, 

Taylor, a dead missionary

Christmas Study, Day 1: Unto Us a Child Is Born

Isaiah 7, 9 

Hundreds of years before His birth, prophets were teaching about the circumstances of Christ’s entry into the world. 

“The Lord himself shall give you a sign,” Isaiah said. “Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and shall bear a son, and shall call His name Immanuel” (Isa 7:14). 

And he further gloried of the deliverance of Israel, saying, “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace” (Isa 9:6). 

Filled with promises of power and deliverance, the prophecies were misunderstood by a vast majority of those who heard them; the Jews expected the uprising of a mighty king, who would blast the chains of bondage to pieces and propel the Jewish nation to freedom. 

When Christ would come, He would deliver Israel, but not from the oppression of the sword; instead, He would deliver them from the chains of death, hell, and of the devil. 

There would be no heroic display of glorious triumph - at least not yet - but instead, a silent and humble birth to a virgin mother, beneath the watchful eye of the stars, and a meek and quiet suffering - alone, in a garden - and subsequent death upon the cross of a thief. 

Is this the same man of whom Isaiah spoke, calling him Immanuel? Even wonderful, mighty, everlasting, and prince? 

The magnificence of the Christ is not found in His battle array, but in His mastery of the human condition and triumph over death and hell thereby. Truly, He is wonderful, mighty, and everlasting. 

This Christmas, may we all look to Him and his birth, and remember that deliverance is found only in and through His atonement, to the end that we may master our own human condition and follow in His silent, humble footsteps. 

Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,

- Taylor, a dead missionary

How can living in the past destroy your faith in God?

Posting on my blog honestly isn’t so much about you as it is about me - and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Sometimes I just need to say something that’s been bothering me or share something I learned recently - and I usually don’t care if you find it interesting or not, because I just like to write!

So you can put that in your juice box and suck it!

All that being said, I really haven’t been on here in a long time. I think it’s high time I share some insight! Do you want to hear some insights? Psh, do you think I even care if you want to? I’mma tell you anyway. 

Leaving Jerusalem was probably a really hard experience for Lehi and his family. I don’t think we give Laman and Lemuel the credit they deserve - I mean, they did leave their home in one night! And lived on raw meat for eight years. And their wives sound like they were more buff than they were. 

As Jews, they believed in God. They lived the law of Moses. There are instances of Laman and Lemuel praying, repenting, offering thanks, pondering the scriptures, seeing angels, and yes - following the prophet! They risked their lives to get their genealogy and the equivalent of the Conference edition of the Ensign. So why did they turn out so drastically different from Nephi?

Because they never let go of Jerusalem. They left it, yes - but they did not let it go. 

They are a Book of Mormon equivalent of Lot’s wife, who was blasted into table salt for looking back at Sodom and Gomorrah. 

The problem was that, in never letting go of what they were leaving, they clearly didn’t believe that God’s plan for their future was better than what they already had going on. The problem was that they didn’t think that God’s warnings about Jerusalem were possible. “They knew not the dealings of that God who created them” (1 Nephi 2:12). 

In other words, they didn’t believe in God’s all-knowing, all-loving, or all-powerful nature. 

Joseph Smith taught that one of the fundamental principles of faith is knowing and believing in God’s character. If you do not believe that God has power to destroy Jerusalem and bring you to the promised land (and that you’ll be happy there), then eventually you will not believe in a God at all. 

I've been there.

All of us are commanded to leave Jerusalem at some point. The promised land is our destination - but whether or not we get there has nothing to do with whether or not we leave Jerusalem; it depends on whether we let go of it. 

No doubt at some point God has commanded you to quit doing something, quit going somewhere, quit seeing someone, or even quit being a certain way. And did you? More importantly, how did you go about doing it? 

Attitude is everything because it determines our level of faith. Faith cannot produce salvation unless it is faith in a true and living God; if your faith lives in a false God (or false attributes of God), then it cannot produce salvation. This applies to all of His attributes: love, mercy, patience, justness, meekness, omniscience, omnipotence, and so on. If we doubt God's perfect possession of these qualities, what kind of God do we believe in? A false one; eventually (and I can't emphasize this enough), none at all. 

When we keep commandments and follow spiritual promptings, we have to do more than just follow the Savior - we have to trust Him too! It’s like that cute saying you always hear: Believe in Christ…but Believe Christ too. 

If the Lord asks me to change, then I need to stop looking back on what I’m leaving behind, wondering if He was right about it! I need to look myself in the mirror, abolish my own beliefs about the situation, and recognize these things:

1. God is filled with a perfect love, and therefore, He only wants what is best for me. 
2. God is all-powerful, and therefore, He has the power to lead me along and fulfill His promises. 
3. God is all knowing, and therefore, He knows me better than I do. He knows the situation better than I do. He knows what will make me the most happy. He knows where I will be the most happy. He knows who will make me the most happy. 

It’s not enough to leave! I have to stop wishing, dreaming, and imagining. 

Until we believe in the true character of our Father in Heaven, we will doubt His directions. The more we doubt His character, the further from the path we pull ourselves, until God is nothing more than the world’s oldest storybook figure. 

May we all leave Jerusalem with the utmost assurance in God and His character, that we may know the dealings of the God who created us, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Thanks for reading, whoever you are, and God be with you till we meet again!

Sincerely, 

Taylor, a dead missionary