“God,
Before He sent his children to earth
Gave each of them
A very carefully selected package
Of problems.
These,
He promised, smiling,
Are yours alone, No one
Else may have the blessings
These problems will bring you.
And only you
Have the special talents and abilities
That will be needed
To make these problems
Your servants.
…”
It’s been said that we’re all human. I think that's true. It’s also been said that because of that, we all make mistakes, or we all have weaknesses. Weaknesses that, no matter what, we just can’t seem to shake.
When I was on my mission, I encountered sides of myself that I had never met before. I also re-encountered sides of myself that I had tried desperately to forget!
When you’re a missionary, you suddenly become aware of every single one of your flaws. Why? I think it’s because missionaries are trying so hard to be good, that any deterrent from that is painfully obvious. The brighter the light around you becomes, the more clearly you can see how dirty you are.
Wasn’t it Moroni, who was so ashamed of his writing ability (of all things) that God had to give him a confidence boost? Among other things, He said to Moroni, “If men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness” (Ether 12:27). It’s part of the deal! The more you repent, the more flawed you see yourself.
So beware, future missionaries. You may have looked up to elders and sisters your whole life, and thought them to be capable of no wrong; but when you become a missionary, that is the opposite of how you’re going to feel about yourself!
Not-So-Super Heroes
I always thought missionaries were super heroes.
I don’t know what my problem was (I obviously didn’t understand the gospel yet), but I had a subconscious belief that as soon as I got my name tag, I was somehow going to tap into that. As if I was going to inherit some super missionary powers! Instantly endowed with faith, constant revelation, and testimony!
No such luck. Instead, all I got was a realization of everything I sucked at!
One night in my first area, I was so discouraged that my whole journal entry for that day was a list of things I did badly:
One night in my first area, I was so discouraged that my whole journal entry for that day was a list of things I did badly:
“I can’t relate to anyone. I’m awkward, clumsy, and embarrassing. I can’t learn anything. I can’t say anything. I can’t remember anything. …I’m the most clueless person… My studying habits are in the pits. I can’t focus on anything. I can’t think of anything! I can’t bike fast enough. … I never feel the spirit. … And in 8 hours it starts all over again.”
There was no hope of overcoming these problems or getting better, just the problems. I became so caught up in my own weaknesses, that I forgot the point of having them in the first place!
The Purpose of Weakness
So what is the point of having weakness?
Again, Moroni and his writing ineptitude are to thank. Also in Ether 12:27, God said to Moroni:
“I give unto men weakness that they may be humble…”
Okay, that’s comforting! I suck at talking to people so that I don’t get cocky, alright! Sounds good. But…then what? What if I’ve got to that point where I’m no longer cocky? I’ve accepted that I suck at a few things...so...?
“…And my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
You mean that even though I’m this bad at talking, even though I just had the most awkward conversation of my life with that woman leaving her apartment building, even though I dropped into a dead silence after only two sentences, I can still improve? And not only improve, but potentially become a great speaker?
All because of the Christ's atonement?? I thought the Atonement was just there to ask for forgiveness and stuff.
Now here’s a thought. What if God intends for me to be a great speaker someday? What if part of my individual purpose in life requires me to be a great speaker? Now there’s something interesting.
That would mean that God wants me to improve this weakness. Not only improve it, He wants me to excel in it.
That would mean that God wants me to improve this weakness. Not only improve it, He wants me to excel in it.
It's like a cheat sheet.
Could it be that our weaknesses are hints to our test? Could it be that you have something so important to accomplish that God wanted to give you a hint? But it just so happens that the best way He could do that was by making you so horrible at it that it’s always on your mind.
Could it be that our weaknesses are hints to our test? Could it be that you have something so important to accomplish that God wanted to give you a hint? But it just so happens that the best way He could do that was by making you so horrible at it that it’s always on your mind.
This way, it would distress you so much that it comes to mind whenever you read Ether 12:27.
What is Your Weakness?
Think about a weakness you may have. Is it possible that God wants that to become your greatest strength, and then for you to change the world with it? What kind of good could you do if it was your greatest strength?
What is Your Weakness?
Think about a weakness you may have. Is it possible that God wants that to become your greatest strength, and then for you to change the world with it? What kind of good could you do if it was your greatest strength?
Your weakness could be anything; easily provoked, laziness, evil thoughts, selfishness, suck at algebra, slow of speech, or not powerful in writing? All of these qualify.
Throughout my mission, I was blessed with the opportunity of working with other elders who struggled with the very same weaknesses that I had. Over and over again, I found myself listening to, counseling against, and working with them through their problems, though they seemed to be my own! By helping them, I ended up helping myself! In small ways, my weaknesses became strengths, not only for myself, but for others too.
At one point, even towards the end of my mission, I wrote to my dad about things I was struggling with. He responded with a letter that helped to change the course of the rest of my mission. Among many of the things he said to me, he included a poem written by my grandpa, Blaine Yorgason, titled “The Monument,” found in his book Charlie’s Monument. The beginning I have included at the front of this post, and here I conclude:
“…
Now go down to your birth
And to your forgetfulness, Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that I give you
Are a symbol of that love.
The monuments you make of your life
With the help of your problems
Will be a symbol of your
Love for me,
Your Father.”
— Blaine M. Yorgason
I testify that we all have weaknesses, but they were never intended to remain weaknesses. Heavenly Father wants us to transform our weaknesses, and use them to bless the lives of those around us.
I love the gospel, and I loved my mission! I’m so grateful for the opportunity to discover all of my weaknesses, so that now I can work to improve them. The Gospel is real, and I share this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
God be with you til we meet again!
Sincerely,
Taylor, a dead missionary
